Comments on: NOT to Doula http://www.therealmomtv.com/2010/02/26/not-to-doula/ How does a mother successfully balance life, family and career in today's modern age? Tue, 01 Mar 2011 18:35:54 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 By: Alex W http://www.therealmomtv.com/2010/02/26/not-to-doula/comment-page-1/#comment-428 Alex W Thu, 17 Jun 2010 15:08:20 +0000 http://www.therealmomtv.com/?p=758#comment-428 My partner has just spent the last 9 months shadowing doulas for a film that she has only just completed and as a man (and a new father) I got the impression from her film that by having a doula present allowed the mother and father to "do" the birth together. All the dads in the film were completely hands on (usually in the birthing pool catching the babies!) and they were able to do this because the doulas were looking after all those stressful things that dads usually worry about. I wish we'd known about doulas at our birth which turned out to be unnecessarily complicated and I felt very marginalized during the whole process. I suspect it would have been completely different if we'd had a doula by our side. My partner has just spent the last 9 months shadowing doulas for a film that she has only just completed and as a man (and a new father) I got the impression from her film that by having a doula present allowed the mother and father to “do” the birth together. All the dads in the film were completely hands on (usually in the birthing pool catching the babies!) and they were able to do this because the doulas were looking after all those stressful things that dads usually worry about. I wish we’d known about doulas at our birth which turned out to be unnecessarily complicated and I felt very marginalized during the whole process. I suspect it would have been completely different if we’d had a doula by our side.

]]> By: Heidi J http://www.therealmomtv.com/2010/02/26/not-to-doula/comment-page-1/#comment-169 Heidi J Fri, 05 Mar 2010 19:34:47 +0000 http://www.therealmomtv.com/?p=758#comment-169 It sounds like you put a lot of thought into this, so I'm glad you made the decision that is best for you. Ultimately, it's up to you. It sounds like you put a lot of thought into this, so I’m glad you made the decision that is best for you. Ultimately, it’s up to you.

]]> By: Brie H http://www.therealmomtv.com/2010/02/26/not-to-doula/comment-page-1/#comment-164 Brie H Tue, 02 Mar 2010 15:41:44 +0000 http://www.therealmomtv.com/?p=758#comment-164 Great decision! Not because of the option you chose, but because it seems like the right decision for you. It will be a wonderful experience for you and your husband. I know our birth was a awesome experience for my husband and I - even if I did end up with a c-sec. Great decision! Not because of the option you chose, but because it seems like the right decision for you. It will be a wonderful experience for you and your husband. I know our birth was a awesome experience for my husband and I – even if I did end up with a c-sec.

]]> By: Jennifer http://www.therealmomtv.com/2010/02/26/not-to-doula/comment-page-1/#comment-162 Jennifer Mon, 01 Mar 2010 16:50:29 +0000 http://www.therealmomtv.com/?p=758#comment-162 Thanks everyone for all of your tips!! You're all right, there are SO many decisions to make! This was just one of many! Next... Which childbirth classes to take! haha. I was thinking Lamaze but I also LOVE the idea of husband-based classes AND Hypnobabies! I just am not sure if I can get my husband to sit through 3 series of classes hehe... Or if we even have enough time! I'm worried we'll do all the preparing for labor then afterward be like "crap! we didn't set up the crib" ;) Thanks everyone for all of your tips!! You’re all right, there are SO many decisions to make! This was just one of many! Next… Which childbirth classes to take! haha. I was thinking Lamaze but I also LOVE the idea of husband-based classes AND Hypnobabies! I just am not sure if I can get my husband to sit through 3 series of classes hehe… Or if we even have enough time! I’m worried we’ll do all the preparing for labor then afterward be like “crap! we didn’t set up the crib” ;)

]]> By: Kim http://www.therealmomtv.com/2010/02/26/not-to-doula/comment-page-1/#comment-161 Kim Mon, 01 Mar 2010 16:36:06 +0000 http://www.therealmomtv.com/?p=758#comment-161 I respect your decision. I do still stick to my guns in thinking that a doula is so key if you are planning on an unmedicated childbirth, but if not, I don't think you need one. You guys will have a great birth experience -- get excited! I respect your decision. I do still stick to my guns in thinking that a doula is so key if you are planning on an unmedicated childbirth, but if not, I don’t think you need one. You guys will have a great birth experience — get excited!

]]> By: Amber C http://www.therealmomtv.com/2010/02/26/not-to-doula/comment-page-1/#comment-160 Amber C Mon, 01 Mar 2010 15:08:02 +0000 http://www.therealmomtv.com/?p=758#comment-160 I'm glad that you've done so much research regarding this subject! That's something a lot of women don't do and that breaks my heart. I am pregnant with my 2nd child, due in September. My first child was born in 2007 and we had an amazing natural birth in a free standing birth center, attended by midwives. I considered having a doula, but because we were in a birth center and not a hospital, I opted against it. After my labor and knowing how I reacted during labor (it was so intense that I couldn't focus enough to answer questions or make decisions for myself) I know that if I ever *had* to have a baby in a hospital, I would definitely hire a doula. I was a labor and delivery nurse prior to becoming a mom, and I know how pushy doctors and nurses can be. Sure, my husband could deal with them, but I know that I personally need him with me, coaching me and helping me through everything. For me, a doula would be more for running interferance between us and the hospital staff. Most people believe that doctors and nurses have patients best interests at heart. That's not always true. If you haven't seen The Business of Being Born, I highly recommend you do so. Birth in this country is about the almighty dollar as well as convenience for many people (medical staff included). I’m glad that you’ve done so much research regarding this subject! That’s something a lot of women don’t do and that breaks my heart. I am pregnant with my 2nd child, due in September. My first child was born in 2007 and we had an amazing natural birth in a free standing birth center, attended by midwives. I considered having a doula, but because we were in a birth center and not a hospital, I opted against it. After my labor and knowing how I reacted during labor (it was so intense that I couldn’t focus enough to answer questions or make decisions for myself) I know that if I ever *had* to have a baby in a hospital, I would definitely hire a doula. I was a labor and delivery nurse prior to becoming a mom, and I know how pushy doctors and nurses can be. Sure, my husband could deal with them, but I know that I personally need him with me, coaching me and helping me through everything. For me, a doula would be more for running interferance between us and the hospital staff. Most people believe that doctors and nurses have patients best interests at heart. That’s not always true. If you haven’t seen The Business of Being Born, I highly recommend you do so. Birth in this country is about the almighty dollar as well as convenience for many people (medical staff included).

]]> By: Kristi {at} Live and Love...Out Loud http://www.therealmomtv.com/2010/02/26/not-to-doula/comment-page-1/#comment-159 Kristi {at} Live and Love...Out Loud Mon, 01 Mar 2010 14:04:49 +0000 http://www.therealmomtv.com/?p=758#comment-159 Good for you! I knew you'd do the research, weigh the options and come to a decision that's right for you and your husband. It can be a little intimidating when people bombard you with their opinions, especially when those opinions have to do with birthing, feeding, diapering and raising babies. I had no idea that some women could be so opinionated and forceful, jabbing their personal ideals down your throat and lobbing you in the head when you don't agree with them. What it comes down to is, each birth experience is a personal one. Childbirth is not a cookie cutter experience. Continue to enjoy the ride and this once-in-a-lifetime experience. You only get one "first" birth experience! Kristi, Live and Love...Out Loud @TweetingMama PS I'm so excited for you! Good for you! I knew you’d do the research, weigh the options and come to a decision that’s right for you and your husband. It can be a little intimidating when people bombard you with their opinions, especially when those opinions have to do with birthing, feeding, diapering and raising babies. I had no idea that some women could be so opinionated and forceful, jabbing their personal ideals down your throat and lobbing you in the head when you don’t agree with them.
What it comes down to is, each birth experience is a personal one. Childbirth is not a cookie cutter experience. Continue to enjoy the ride and this once-in-a-lifetime experience. You only get one “first” birth experience!

Kristi, Live and Love…Out Loud
@TweetingMama

PS I’m so excited for you!

]]> By: Karen http://www.therealmomtv.com/2010/02/26/not-to-doula/comment-page-1/#comment-158 Karen Mon, 01 Mar 2010 13:46:04 +0000 http://www.therealmomtv.com/?p=758#comment-158 Jen, I'm glad you were able to come to a decision- there are so many choices to make. Because of how you both feel about wanting it to be a special time with the two of you, you might want to consider Bradley classes as an alternative. Bradley emphasizes your husband as your main support (which sounds like what you want) but also gives you a much higher level of knowledge than any hospital-sponsored class will. This way you will have the tools you need to advocate for yourself. Just a thought. Jen,

I’m glad you were able to come to a decision- there are so many choices to make. Because of how you both feel about wanting it to be a special time with the two of you, you might want to consider Bradley classes as an alternative. Bradley emphasizes your husband as your main support (which sounds like what you want) but also gives you a much higher level of knowledge than any hospital-sponsored class will.
This way you will have the tools you need to advocate for yourself.
Just a thought.

]]> By: Fearless Formula Feeder http://www.therealmomtv.com/2010/02/26/not-to-doula/comment-page-1/#comment-157 Fearless Formula Feeder Sun, 28 Feb 2010 00:59:37 +0000 http://www.therealmomtv.com/?p=758#comment-157 Good for you, Jennifer! It sounds like you made the right decision for you and your family. We were actually offered doula services for free (we were taking part in an online pregnancy documentary) and decided not to accept the offer, due to reasons much like yours. My husband is incredibly supportive, sensitive, and brave; I am not afraid of standing up for myself; and I also had friends who would have made great support systems if I hadn't had the husband I had. I have nothing against doulas- in fact I think they provide an excellent service that many people find enhances their birth experience. But for me, I think I would have found the extra opinion in the room more intrusive than helpful. Just a personal thing, but I am really glad it ended up being my husband and I, by ourselves, going through this amazing bonding experience together. Good luck with the birth - you will do great, mama! Good for you, Jennifer! It sounds like you made the right decision for you and your family. We were actually offered doula services for free (we were taking part in an online pregnancy documentary) and decided not to accept the offer, due to reasons much like yours. My husband is incredibly supportive, sensitive, and brave; I am not afraid of standing up for myself; and I also had friends who would have made great support systems if I hadn’t had the husband I had.

I have nothing against doulas- in fact I think they provide an excellent service that many people find enhances their birth experience. But for me, I think I would have found the extra opinion in the room more intrusive than helpful. Just a personal thing, but I am really glad it ended up being my husband and I, by ourselves, going through this amazing bonding experience together.

Good luck with the birth – you will do great, mama!

]]> By: DeepSouthDoula http://www.therealmomtv.com/2010/02/26/not-to-doula/comment-page-1/#comment-156 DeepSouthDoula Sun, 28 Feb 2010 00:54:35 +0000 http://www.therealmomtv.com/?p=758#comment-156 I'm glad you were able to come to a decision. I know you put a lot of time and thought into it. You are blessed to have a DH who is willing to go "all in" with this childbirth thing. Not all of us are that lucky (me included). Like you said, you may change your mind for #2 but for this birth you have made the best choice for you and your family and that's all that matters. You will be fine. Are you planning to go to CBE classes? If so, great! I hope you find one suited to your personality and birthing style. I look forward to following you through to the end of your pregnancy and birth. You are going to be a great mama...doula or not. PS It was great getting to meet you. Namaste' I’m glad you were able to come to a decision. I know you put a lot of time and thought into it. You are blessed to have a DH who is willing to go “all in” with this childbirth thing. Not all of us are that lucky (me included). Like you said, you may change your mind for #2 but for this birth you have made the best choice for you and your family and that’s all that matters. You will be fine. Are you planning to go to CBE classes? If so, great! I hope you find one suited to your personality and birthing style. I look forward to following you through to the end of your pregnancy and birth. You are going to be a great mama…doula or not.

PS It was great getting to meet you. Namaste’

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